Love Has Boundaries?

About 15 years ago, I wanted a tattoo. One that said “Be Love” as a reminder of who I was to be in the world according to my Christian faith. Several years ago, I finally got that tattoo. I was hoping it might spark good questions and conversation with those I met at grocery stores or along the way in life. What it became was a reminder to not be snarky to my husband when I was annoyed at his latest shiny squirrel project.

I grew up understanding the love of God in my head, but didn’t truly understand what a relationship with God was until my adult life. That is a story for another day. But it was then that I finally got and tried to live by Romans 12:2 admonishment to

“…not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Studying, praying, surrendering while cleaning toilets in other peoples homes as I went to school and raised four kids. Filling my mind with what I believed to be solid theological books, podcasts, and music. It was a time of thriving. Of flourishing. Of loving my little family as best as I could. And staying stuck in old mental patterns (but that is also a story for another day).

We are called to “offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God” (Romans 12:1). That is love. It is costly. It isn’t about knowing and saying all the right things or obeying rules. It involves choosing to be present in another’s life when perhaps we have other obligations or desires. Love is not flowers, chocolates and a Hallmark card. Love gives. Love does. Love moves us to compassion for others.

When we are young, our parents generally set boundaries for us because they love us. In a healthy marriage, there are boundaries within that covenant made to love each other and not decide to check out the seemingly greener grass at the first disagreement.

So, in my Christian faith, I understood when half of my friends and family desired to have the wall built up to “keep out those who try to come into our country illegally.” I can’t just go to Spain and decide I'm going to live there and have the country help me figure it out. There are boundaries, rules that are to be followed.

I also understood when some of my Christian and most of my non-Christian friends and family and the many, many blogs and information sources I read, gasped with disbelief at the seemingly unloving Christian response to the needs of so many people coming from countries you or I wouldn’t want to raise our children in. Yes, there were criminals but there were people, probably just like my great-grandparents who came here from Norway and Scotland. Or like my husband’s great-grandfather who came from Mexico and started a restaurant just across the border in Texas. Simply looking for opportunity. We, other than Native Americans, are all here because of someone who took a chance on the dreams of America.

How are we to love, Church? What does it mean in this case to be “transformed by the renewing of your mind”?

What does love look like?

I’m wrestling with this. Love has boundaries. Yes. But If Christ’s love is boundless. Aren’t we to be the same? I recognize this would look different to different voices and that is the beauty of America. Getting to learn from each others experiences and growing. Unity in diversity. There will be differences in interpretation. But the biggie love God, love others- What does this look like in this day from Christ’s perspective?

Some bring up the woman in John 8:1-11 who was caught in adultery and the Pharisees tell Jesus that the woman should be stoned. Jesus, in his quiet way, writes in the dirt with his finger and tells the crowd to let the person without sin cast the first stone. All of them leave. Jesus asks the woman, where are those who wish to condemn you and shares the he also does not condemn her and tells her to go…and sin no more. Boundaries, Yes. Compassion, truth and love; Yes.

We love because he loved us first (1 John 4:19). There are many Christians living quietly and loving their families and communities well. Myself included, at least I hope I am with all my humanness on full display. My energy has slowed a bit as a hospice chaplain and I do not serve in the same way I did in my 30s. But I know there are seasons for everything. For each one of us. Times we will be more fruitful than others.

But it is never time to check out. There is no retirement from being love.

There are many churches loving others well. Not condemning others for their choices but loving them to Life. Letting the Holy Spirit move and discerning whats next for both the receivers and givers.

I have no answers. Only questions.

Haven’t we all been on both sides of this need at one point or another in our lives? What would it look like for you to love your people or community well today?

God’s love is sacrificial, shouldn’t ours be as well?